Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
