She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
