Just cropdusted the office
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
