our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
