I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
