Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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