I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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