so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
