my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
