ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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