I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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