my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
