it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
