Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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