We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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