He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
