I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
