i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
