I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
