I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
