if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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