I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
