Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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