i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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