There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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