pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
