she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
