hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
