dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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