spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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