No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize