Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
