never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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