I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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