Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
