I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
