ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
