You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
