I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
