I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
