KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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