does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
