so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
