Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
