New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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