What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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