Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
