I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
