I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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