I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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