It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
