I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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