Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
