I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
