i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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