What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
