I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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