yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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