i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
