What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
