Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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