were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
