cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize