she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize