this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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