I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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