I hate your face
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
