Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
third nipple confirmed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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