Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
