he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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