Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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