He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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