Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
