I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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