Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
