wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
