I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
