she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
