there's paper in my vomit.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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