$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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