Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
