I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have fence marks all over my body
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
