He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
