Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
