He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
