Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize