I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
