My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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