She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
