I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
