Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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