I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
