can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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