Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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