My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
