i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
