I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
