We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
