i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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