I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize