why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
