you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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