dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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