i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize