Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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