Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize