so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
