no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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