I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
