youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
