I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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