Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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