There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize