epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
