I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's blow job season.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
