they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
