then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
