Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
