I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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